Beautiful Life
by Fen Jien Ren
Summary: One day I will be able to look at you in the eyes without feeling the pain that you caused. One day I will be able to stand next to you without wanting to hold your hand. Right now I'm not over you yet but one day... I will be.


**Beautiful Life.**

I couldn't understand what was so special about that orange-haired boy. He's rude, brash, and arrogant like no other. Or maybe not. You're absolutely like him, so perhaps that's what brought you to him? I know we don't meet so often. I understand that you need to meet other people, too, but this is different. Why is he different to you? Why am I so different from him that you couldn't settle with anyone else but him?

_You were all that I could think about. _We've always been together, even before we started this relationship. We were friends, the best of friends, without knowing the truth of what we were slowly building and secretly sharing. But all too suddenly, you were gone. I woke up without anyone by my side, but something with letters written all over it. Still, you were gone. You were gone and you left me with nothing but a message.

You fell in love with someone else.

You didn't even said it to my face, you even had the guts to sleep with me one last time and then leave. Yesterday was so perfect. Yesterday I felt like you were even about to propose to me that we'd be together forever officially. Yesterday you made me feel and believe I was your world. Yesterday I forgot all of my fears and insecurities, but the moment I woke up, they all rushed back to me, hitting me like a train.

You don't love me anymore.

_Every time I look at you, I can't believe I could love so true._ I couldn't believe something so good could happen to me. _You always know exactly what to say to make me smile. Trying to forget you, is like trying to remember someone I never knew. I tried not to remember us, but when I do, it brings smile to my lips and tears on my eyes._ I couldn't help it, but that's only because you didn't give me any choice. You didn't even tell me who you left me for, but I'm not stupid not to notice. You left me all alone and broken, so dejected and unwanted. Anyone would you hate you for that, would curse you to hell, but you know what? _I still smile whenever I hear your name, but it hurts inside to know that I let you go. _It wasn't like I had any choice.

From the moment I realized who you really are to me, _everything I did relates to one person--you_. You were something that came out of my hopes and dreams. You were the best thing that could happen to me. _I know that I've done something wrong in the past but you're hurting me... more than I deserve. I don't deserve this much pain, but I still love you and probably will for the longest time._

I'm still waiting for you. Every morning, every noon, every night... Every minute of my life, I wait here by the door, standing like a statue and wishing that I'd see you walking back to me. _My mind tells me to give up but my heart won't let me. I want to fight for my love for you, but you made me feel that my fight is already over._ I never saw you again, not even your shadow.

My phone always rings when we're apart, you always call because you tell me it hurts when we're not together. Now you're not here, but my phone isn't ringing. You really don't love me now, do you? _So I can't stay here anymore. _It reminds me too much of you, and _it hurts so much. _It pains me. It kills me.

_I guess this is moving on. I should have known from the start that you'd go and break my heart. Little did I know that my relationship with you is a dead end road made with pretty convincing lies and broken dreams. _But before we were so perfect, we were so happy. You were my dream that came true, and I was yours. We always held hands, we always kiss. You always tell me you love me, and one morning... _it finally hit me that you didn't care anymore. You took my love and took care of it for a long time, but then you threw it away as if it was nothing._ As if we shared no years together.

_Thank you for ripping my heart out, stomping it and breaking it into pieces... now I know how much you really care. I love you more than you could ever know and nothing can change that. But you gave up on me when I couldn't give you up. You are my weakness and my strength. There's no medication for my illness, no known cure rather than... _than_ time. _I'll just wait for that day, because I really don't have any other choice. I'll just stand here until my feet hurt, until I grow tired of waiting. Until I am over you.

_One day you'll realize that you could have been with me up to that very time, and you'll see that the one you've been looking for was the one who set you free._

_One day I will be able to look at you in the eyes without feeling the pain that you caused._

_One day I will be able to stand next to you without wanting to hold your hand._

_Right now I'm not over you yet but one day... I will be._

I want to close this door, I want to be somewhere else but here, but I can't help but hope that maybe you'd realize what you did and come back to me. Or simply realize just how you mean to me and what I could do just for you. I want to see you again and be in your arms. _I know I can't give you the whole world, but I gave you mine._

_I want to prove to you that I love you... so I gave you my heart, but now you crushed it into pieces._ I don't even know where to start completing myself. It's easy to put myself together, but every time I wonder if it_ would be me that you'll love again_ destroys every progress I've made away from you._ I never wanted to lose you, but you're the one who let go._

_I don't know what I mean to you now._

But, _thank you for being a beautiful part of my life._

* * *

**FEN:** In case you are wondering, I did not keep these oneshots until now. They're freshly made, and so, again, forgive the errors and all that crap. I also did this in one go, meaning I didn't get out of my chair until I was finished. I don't want to read all over again because I want to be anymore EMO than I already am. It's the raining season here, so I couldn't help it (and I have a cold, so I'm very lethargic!).

Anyhow, this was inspired by my friend's goodbye message to her boyfriend but she didn't had the chance to give it to her because a few months after, they got back together. Of course, I added some things but the italicized lines were all taken from the original letter.


End file.
